Finding Balance: My Journey to Redefining Work and Family Life

I recently spent some time with my mom. I was telling her that I'm glad I wasn’t near my computer, so I couldn't give in to the temptation to work. I had no choice but to relax. Her response was, "It's ok to go on the internet, Dominique." I was low-key annoyed. I'm like, she doesn't get it.

For the past few weeks leading up to that time, I was spending more time than I would’ve liked to, working on the computer and not as much time with the kids. She had gotten used to me speaking and living out the message of being present and spending time with your kids. But I found myself in this awkward and tormenting place lately of doing the things God called me to but feeling guilty for doing them at the expense of fewer days at the playground or activities with the kids.

Her response to me eventually led me to ask myself this question; Did I, in my efforts to be a present mom, become extreme? Was I placing an expectation on myself and a standard that God ISN'T calling me to?

Then it hit me….. while think-praying…(you know how you talk to God in your head but not as a formal prayer?) The thought came to mind; I am NOT a housewife. Being a Christian, and wanting to obey God in all things, particularly being a wife and mother, I was trying to uphold this standard of what I thought that looked like for a married woman with children. Though godly order is standard for the believing household, the family-work dynamic is not.

Here’s the backstory: About 4 years ago, I was mentally preparing myself to start and finish 2 gowns. I was filled with anxiety because I had so much on my plate and already felt like I wasn’t spending enough time with my kids. Then I did something that I had never done before, up until that time. I said NO. I can’t do it. I don’t have the time. Typically, I would push everything and everyone to the side, and leave the kids with grandma or dad so I could sew. But this time, I said no. I didn’t want to do that to my family anymore.

That night I went to sleep and felt like I was being spiritually attacked. I got up and prayed. And The Lord said the curse is broken when you spend time with your children. The devil was big mad. Deliverance is not always convulsions, falling out, and throwing up. As pastor Coleman once said, sometimes deliverance comes through a decision. The curse that was broken was a generational curse that exists in many families with a cultural norm of leaving their children to immigrate to another country or take on multiple jobs in order to care for them, hindering parents from spending time with their children. And while the vast majority of the time, the parents are well-meaning, doing their very best to provide, and feel they have no other choice, this sometimes results in kids becoming adults with abandonment issues, resentment towards their parents, and on many occasions, the kids being left in the hands of abusers.

Regardless of the circumstance that puts mothers and fathers in the position to make these decisions, the unfortunate truth is that many children and adults are suffering in silence, fearful of seeming ungrateful for the parents' sacrifices or fearful of exposing their abusers. This is a curse in families that continue this practice from generation to generation.

But I believe God is showing my generation that there is another way and that we also live in a time where there are far more options, particularly when it comes to working from home and the flexibility of entrepreneurship. I started to pray and ask God what do I do? I want to spend more time with kids, but my business was consuming my life. This is when he led me to focus on starting a bridal collection which enabled me to have fewer clients with higher revenue. This wisdom and instruction from God led me to triple sales the following year.

From the time I received the revelation about the curse, I became intentional about being present. Adventure time became a staple of my schedule. I made time daily to play games and have dance parties, do cooking lessons, go rollerblading, and teach them the Bible which prepared them to teach the word when God led us to start their YouTube channel. If I needed to go fabric shopping, they come right along with me to this day. We then go for lunch and play in Central Park.

My husband and I bring them along with us when shooting, filming, or conducting business meetings. We’ve learned that they aren’t too young to learn about what we do and how it’s done. This also positioned them to create music far earlier than we expected because they spent so much time observing the recording process that they already knew what to do. This birthed 2 singles.

Being intentional about being present and patient enough to include them in our entrepreneurial journey, has birthed so much for our family, taking the limits off of education

and cultivating their talents. I'm so grateful.

Yet still, there was this issue… The guilt was battling when it was time for me to work… having the desire to be a housewife yet very aware that I’m called to do much more. A housewife, by traditional standards, devotes her entire schedule and to-do list to caring for her family and household. This is her career. Now, I don’t say that to make light of this position. It is as valuable as a job as a CEO position and women who devote themselves to this calling deserve much respect.

However, I believe that I don’t get to decide my position as a FOLLOWER of Christ. Key word being FOLLOWER. As He leads, I follow whatever His will is concerning my life and career. During the pandemic, my husband and I were led to start multiple ventures including this podcast. God made it very clear and even confirmed this through prophets that God had called me to do many things, beyond being a fashion designer and … a mother.

I remember a time I wanted to quit being a designer after we started a family. But I felt the conviction that fashion design was not something I chose to do but something I was chosen to do. As I reflected on my interaction with my mother, I was reminded of the Proverbs 31 woman who was MANY THINGS and did many things and she did them well because of God’s grace.

It takes grace and obedience to create a work-life balance. I learned that this balance won’t always look or feel balanced every day and there will be days, weeks, and seasons of more work than family time and others of more family time and less work. I was being led and driven by fear of continuing the curse for another generation, and wanting my kids to have a different experience. While these are all valid reasons, we aren’t meant to be driven or led by fear.

We are meant to be led by God’s spirit. This is the only way to create balance and alignment with the will of God. Prayerfully this is an encouragement to moms doing those things that God has called you to do outside of your family and household. Just know that guilt is not of God, only Holy Spirit conviction is, and if he has given you a conviction to do something for his glory and to impact the lives of people outside of your home, then he will give you the Grace to do it all for His glory.

And to those moms or parents whose work makes it difficult for you to spend more time with your family, I would encourage you to say the prayer that I prayed: Lord help me. I don’t have this figured out. Grant me wisdom, Grace, and instruction concerning work, so that I can spend more time with my children. In Jesus' name, amen.

It's that simple, and I know it’s that simple because this is how I cry out to God and he has answered.